Not your decision.

I don't judge the decisions you make, the life you choose.
So why is it that I constantly get told I'll never amount to anything? What makes it okay for you to tell me I'm going to burn in hell? What justifies you to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing, what should or shouldn't affect me?? What is it that drives you to tell me that the things I want to do and what I enjoy doing, is not the way I should live my life? Why am I constantly getting my dreams brought down while I hold yours up and say, "Reach for it, because you deserve it. Everyone deserves what they want."
Stop shoving your beliefs down my throat. I don't like the taste.

You know it's time.

Because I've been through the feeling and seen others go through the same. Ladies and Gents, it's not a matter of knowing when it's time to let go. You know and knew a long time ago that it's already been too long. You know what you deserve and you've known it's much better than what you're getting. You deserve better and it's about that time you search for it instead of standing around waiting for it to come along. -Cara

Realizing a thanks is in order...

Bear with me, this blog is all over the place. I tried to be everyone and everything I wasn't, I was so stupid. Then when I finally started doing the things I wanted, I still needed that push. But I'm glad I found it. Tuacahn was the best thing that could've happened to me at that point in my life. Granted, I wish I had gotten there sooner. It was just what I needed. Instead of being someone I wasn't I got to be exactly who I had always wanted to be, without being criticized. I got to do all the things I always wanted to, without being made fun of or shoved in the corner. I was still stubborn to do so and I needed to realize the support I had from my dear mother and father, my closest friends, and the rest of my family. Most of all, I got that push from Andy and Jan Hunsaker. I can honestly say I would have never gotten to the point I am without either of them. Not very many words can express what they did for me in my life. They helped me feel comfortable with myself. They gave me all the chances I needed to get to the point of knowing that I got it right. They both taught me so much just through the 2 years I was there. I should've said this to the both of them a long time ago. I don't think they could hear it enough. I know they helped so many people through the years in that place we all called home. We may not have known what to do with ourselves without them there. ;) Thank you Jan and Andy for recognizing me, helping me, and giving me the chances I needed to grow. There's also those friends that got to know me. The ones at Tuacahn that took a second look. The people that gave me their friendship and let me be goofy around them, without criticism. There are so very many that did that for me it's hard to list them. I'm sure you know who you are, honestly. If you don't I know I need to address it more. You're all the most remarkable people in my life and I don't know what I'd do without you. But with all this realization, I've decided I need to be doing SO much more with my life. Just the way I planned. Not sitting around just working at a job I know I wouldn't want forever. While I LOVE my job, I have never complained of my job. I know it's not the only thing I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I know I'm meant to show my talents. The many I know I bottle up at times. I thank all of my family for letting me know they support everything I've wanted to do and even more for all the compliments they have given me over the years, as well as encouragement everyday to do all those things I say I want. So everyone that was ever a real friend to me, anyone who gave me that push, anyone who complimented me on a performance or simply my talent, My mom and dad(Judi and Ray), my siblings(Aubrey,Trevor,Bryce,and Jordan), my sister in-law(Liana), my very close friends, or anyone who befriended me in school... I say thank you, to each and every one of you that have helped me become more ME than I ever was. Thank you so very much!

Suicide Awareness.

I'm sure there are those people that don't even think about today and what it really means. There are many people that don't realize how huge this issue is these days. There are also people who simply don't care. (Being the first time I've said this, or admitted this) Coming from a person who has contemplated life itself, about taking my own. I know how this goes. People don't believe you or simply think you have no reason to even think about it. People: your words don't help the situation, listening does. Granted there are times when your words need to hypothetically slap someone in the face. But that means you need to make them realize they really are worth something, that their life means something and that they will do something spectacular with themselves and it will happen. Put yourself in other peoples shoes before you constantly come up with your insults. Suicide awareness would not be much of a problem if we could all just truly accept everyone for the person they are, all of their choices,and who they want to become in their lives. Respect, give and you will receive. I love you all and would not want anything other than seeing you all make progress with your depression and going through the trials you face each and every day.

Yes, pretend like you know someone's life...

We've all got our own opinions or beliefs. There's a point when you go from expressing them to shoving them down someone's throat. By all means, let me know what you believe. In fact, I immensely enjoy hearing someone's thoughts and ideas on the things they may have experienced to get where they are and to believe what they believe. First, I am not one to judge anyone on what they do in their life, the choices they make. There are things I won't partake in because of experience, not because I am a small-minded child. Everyone can somewhere down the road change their idea on somethings. It could change every day. But because you think everyone should believe what you believe does not mean you should judge them for doing the opposite of YOUR opinion. It's not your life, so don't think you can tell them their opinion is wrong and they should just be okay with your ignorance.
Once upon a time, I was having a conversation with a friend expressing my feelings on my beliefs and how it was becoming harder to show them. My friend said it shouldn't matter to me what other people think. But that's the problem isn't it? We all worry what everyone else thinks of ourselves. It's almost disgusting. I see friends act like an entirely different person around other people, simply because that person wouldn't like it or it would change their thoughts on them. I've done it a few times myself. So sad that we do that to ourselves.
I was told by a complete stranger that I was going to burn in hell (of course they had more words about it) because I had a tattoo and because of my past experiences in my life. Yes, they had been eavesdropping on a conversation being had with a friend... This stranger let me know that they were a member of the LDS church and then started to shove their beliefs down my throat. I stopped them to let them know I had grown up in the church and that I too had my beliefs in the church. I then stated, "Don't judge me because I sin differently. I do believe the apostle Dieter F. Uchtdorf said that. Also, it is God's, and only God's, place to judge me for the mistakes I have made, not for someone I don't know to tell me I'm going to burn in hell for them." Instead of being kind and dropping this unnecessary conversation the stranger said, "I bet you think gay marriage should be legalized too, huh?" I must tell you it took every ounce of me not to punch them square in the face. I said, "I sure do. It sure as hell isn't your place, nor is it mine, to tell someone they can't get married." The stranger didn't say much as he walked away, just mumbling under his breath, repeating I was going to burn in hell for my beliefs and that God would never forgive me.
I have also had multiple friends with horrible experiences with the people in their ward. The judgement they got when they have a kid or are pregnant without being married. Even when someone is trying to get back to church and make the right choices and someone decides to make a rude comment or ignore them. There was a time my close friend was punched only because he is gay. Also, the man punching him in the face was a return missionary. Explain to me how punching someone for being gay, or simply telling them how they live their life is wrong, is going to get your point across? It won't. I'm sorry you haven't realized it.
This is in NO WAY a statement for you to think there is something wrong with the LDS church. Because I don't think there is. But when you put people in the scenario, it can be ruined. When someone constantly thinks about things that have been said to them they won't be able to feel the spirit. There is a repentance process for a reason. Whether you think someone is going to burn in hell for their mistakes it isn't your place to think that, let alone say it out loud. That person won't even think about going to the church to become active again or to even become a member if they are constantly reminded of their mistakes because you can't shut your mouth and be the accepting person God has asked you to be.

Listen.

Please, help me understand why it’s okay for someone to talk so much bad about someone and the things they choose to do. I really don’t get it. I’m not saying I have never talked bad about someone, because we all have. But when it comes to the decisions they have made, just because for some reason you think they shouldn’t, it’s disgusting to hear what you have to say when it comes to that. If someone wants to date a certain person even if things are ‘complicated’, let them; And if someone wants to have sex in that relationship, it’s none of your business. If someone decides they want to drink in their free time, shut the hell up and leave them be. If someone wants to get a tattoo, piercing, or crazy haircut why is it your place to tell them not to or “advise” them otherwise? It’s not any of your damn business. Get that through your head.

Just think about it...

Don't you dare say you've never done this! I am not going to deny I haven't done it myself. But here it is. Why do we gossip? I'm not talking friendly gossip of good news, or simply what's going on in someone's life(although it should be there place to tell someone, if that person doesn't know maybe they shouldn't know things about someone's life that isn't yours). I'm talking of the evil, deceitful, rumoring, horrendous gossip. The minute that someone walks out of a room it seems to be okay to just talk freely about them. Now I know no one is perfect and we have all done this to an extent. But some people think it's just okay to do this, never feels regret or remorse, never even feels the littlest bit guilty for the things they say that ruins the idea someone has of that person. Why can't we just figure out on our own what someone is like, how they act, and how they treat the friends they have and make. Let us make our own decisions on who we want to be around, or even who we ENJOY being around. It shouldn't be up to you to make that decision for us. Do you even realize that those things will soon reach that person, the feelings that will result are heart wrenching at times. I just don't get it. Now, like I said I have done this before but not to the extent I've seen it performed. Literally, people could be in the next room and they simply don't care what they say about them, as long as they're out of their line of sight. A little bit ago, someone was speaking of a person in my building and it was mentioned that a few of us thought that they were dating or would make a cute couple when each of us had first moved in. Instead of simply saying no, we've never dated, or I just don't like him like that. It turned into, "Ew, that would never happen. I have much better options open than something like that." In response I simply stated, "Well that's not very nice." Their reply, "No, you don't understand. We have a history. They're just gross and scary and need to get a hold of themselves and not be so creepy." Of course that response went on to say more things about this person that were awful. Everyone has their opinion about certain people, whether it be a good or bad one from which ever experiences you've had with said person. But I just don't get it anymore. What makes it okay for you to say things like that about a person? What is it that makes you think the things you say are somehow justified because, "you've had a history" with this person? Do you realize how much easier this thing called life would be if we all just would only mention the good we see in people or just keep our mouths shut? "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."