Not your decision.

I don't judge the decisions you make, the life you choose.
So why is it that I constantly get told I'll never amount to anything? What makes it okay for you to tell me I'm going to burn in hell? What justifies you to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing, what should or shouldn't affect me?? What is it that drives you to tell me that the things I want to do and what I enjoy doing, is not the way I should live my life? Why am I constantly getting my dreams brought down while I hold yours up and say, "Reach for it, because you deserve it. Everyone deserves what they want."
Stop shoving your beliefs down my throat. I don't like the taste.

You know it's time.

Because I've been through the feeling and seen others go through the same. Ladies and Gents, it's not a matter of knowing when it's time to let go. You know and knew a long time ago that it's already been too long. You know what you deserve and you've known it's much better than what you're getting. You deserve better and it's about that time you search for it instead of standing around waiting for it to come along. -Cara

Realizing a thanks is in order...

Bear with me, this blog is all over the place. I tried to be everyone and everything I wasn't, I was so stupid. Then when I finally started doing the things I wanted, I still needed that push. But I'm glad I found it. Tuacahn was the best thing that could've happened to me at that point in my life. Granted, I wish I had gotten there sooner. It was just what I needed. Instead of being someone I wasn't I got to be exactly who I had always wanted to be, without being criticized. I got to do all the things I always wanted to, without being made fun of or shoved in the corner. I was still stubborn to do so and I needed to realize the support I had from my dear mother and father, my closest friends, and the rest of my family. Most of all, I got that push from Andy and Jan Hunsaker. I can honestly say I would have never gotten to the point I am without either of them. Not very many words can express what they did for me in my life. They helped me feel comfortable with myself. They gave me all the chances I needed to get to the point of knowing that I got it right. They both taught me so much just through the 2 years I was there. I should've said this to the both of them a long time ago. I don't think they could hear it enough. I know they helped so many people through the years in that place we all called home. We may not have known what to do with ourselves without them there. ;) Thank you Jan and Andy for recognizing me, helping me, and giving me the chances I needed to grow. There's also those friends that got to know me. The ones at Tuacahn that took a second look. The people that gave me their friendship and let me be goofy around them, without criticism. There are so very many that did that for me it's hard to list them. I'm sure you know who you are, honestly. If you don't I know I need to address it more. You're all the most remarkable people in my life and I don't know what I'd do without you. But with all this realization, I've decided I need to be doing SO much more with my life. Just the way I planned. Not sitting around just working at a job I know I wouldn't want forever. While I LOVE my job, I have never complained of my job. I know it's not the only thing I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I know I'm meant to show my talents. The many I know I bottle up at times. I thank all of my family for letting me know they support everything I've wanted to do and even more for all the compliments they have given me over the years, as well as encouragement everyday to do all those things I say I want. So everyone that was ever a real friend to me, anyone who gave me that push, anyone who complimented me on a performance or simply my talent, My mom and dad(Judi and Ray), my siblings(Aubrey,Trevor,Bryce,and Jordan), my sister in-law(Liana), my very close friends, or anyone who befriended me in school... I say thank you, to each and every one of you that have helped me become more ME than I ever was. Thank you so very much!

Suicide Awareness.

I'm sure there are those people that don't even think about today and what it really means. There are many people that don't realize how huge this issue is these days. There are also people who simply don't care. (Being the first time I've said this, or admitted this) Coming from a person who has contemplated life itself, about taking my own. I know how this goes. People don't believe you or simply think you have no reason to even think about it. People: your words don't help the situation, listening does. Granted there are times when your words need to hypothetically slap someone in the face. But that means you need to make them realize they really are worth something, that their life means something and that they will do something spectacular with themselves and it will happen. Put yourself in other peoples shoes before you constantly come up with your insults. Suicide awareness would not be much of a problem if we could all just truly accept everyone for the person they are, all of their choices,and who they want to become in their lives. Respect, give and you will receive. I love you all and would not want anything other than seeing you all make progress with your depression and going through the trials you face each and every day.

Yes, pretend like you know someone's life...

We've all got our own opinions or beliefs. There's a point when you go from expressing them to shoving them down someone's throat. By all means, let me know what you believe. In fact, I immensely enjoy hearing someone's thoughts and ideas on the things they may have experienced to get where they are and to believe what they believe. First, I am not one to judge anyone on what they do in their life, the choices they make. There are things I won't partake in because of experience, not because I am a small-minded child. Everyone can somewhere down the road change their idea on somethings. It could change every day. But because you think everyone should believe what you believe does not mean you should judge them for doing the opposite of YOUR opinion. It's not your life, so don't think you can tell them their opinion is wrong and they should just be okay with your ignorance.
Once upon a time, I was having a conversation with a friend expressing my feelings on my beliefs and how it was becoming harder to show them. My friend said it shouldn't matter to me what other people think. But that's the problem isn't it? We all worry what everyone else thinks of ourselves. It's almost disgusting. I see friends act like an entirely different person around other people, simply because that person wouldn't like it or it would change their thoughts on them. I've done it a few times myself. So sad that we do that to ourselves.
I was told by a complete stranger that I was going to burn in hell (of course they had more words about it) because I had a tattoo and because of my past experiences in my life. Yes, they had been eavesdropping on a conversation being had with a friend... This stranger let me know that they were a member of the LDS church and then started to shove their beliefs down my throat. I stopped them to let them know I had grown up in the church and that I too had my beliefs in the church. I then stated, "Don't judge me because I sin differently. I do believe the apostle Dieter F. Uchtdorf said that. Also, it is God's, and only God's, place to judge me for the mistakes I have made, not for someone I don't know to tell me I'm going to burn in hell for them." Instead of being kind and dropping this unnecessary conversation the stranger said, "I bet you think gay marriage should be legalized too, huh?" I must tell you it took every ounce of me not to punch them square in the face. I said, "I sure do. It sure as hell isn't your place, nor is it mine, to tell someone they can't get married." The stranger didn't say much as he walked away, just mumbling under his breath, repeating I was going to burn in hell for my beliefs and that God would never forgive me.
I have also had multiple friends with horrible experiences with the people in their ward. The judgement they got when they have a kid or are pregnant without being married. Even when someone is trying to get back to church and make the right choices and someone decides to make a rude comment or ignore them. There was a time my close friend was punched only because he is gay. Also, the man punching him in the face was a return missionary. Explain to me how punching someone for being gay, or simply telling them how they live their life is wrong, is going to get your point across? It won't. I'm sorry you haven't realized it.
This is in NO WAY a statement for you to think there is something wrong with the LDS church. Because I don't think there is. But when you put people in the scenario, it can be ruined. When someone constantly thinks about things that have been said to them they won't be able to feel the spirit. There is a repentance process for a reason. Whether you think someone is going to burn in hell for their mistakes it isn't your place to think that, let alone say it out loud. That person won't even think about going to the church to become active again or to even become a member if they are constantly reminded of their mistakes because you can't shut your mouth and be the accepting person God has asked you to be.

Listen.

Please, help me understand why it’s okay for someone to talk so much bad about someone and the things they choose to do. I really don’t get it. I’m not saying I have never talked bad about someone, because we all have. But when it comes to the decisions they have made, just because for some reason you think they shouldn’t, it’s disgusting to hear what you have to say when it comes to that. If someone wants to date a certain person even if things are ‘complicated’, let them; And if someone wants to have sex in that relationship, it’s none of your business. If someone decides they want to drink in their free time, shut the hell up and leave them be. If someone wants to get a tattoo, piercing, or crazy haircut why is it your place to tell them not to or “advise” them otherwise? It’s not any of your damn business. Get that through your head.

Just think about it...

Don't you dare say you've never done this! I am not going to deny I haven't done it myself. But here it is. Why do we gossip? I'm not talking friendly gossip of good news, or simply what's going on in someone's life(although it should be there place to tell someone, if that person doesn't know maybe they shouldn't know things about someone's life that isn't yours). I'm talking of the evil, deceitful, rumoring, horrendous gossip. The minute that someone walks out of a room it seems to be okay to just talk freely about them. Now I know no one is perfect and we have all done this to an extent. But some people think it's just okay to do this, never feels regret or remorse, never even feels the littlest bit guilty for the things they say that ruins the idea someone has of that person. Why can't we just figure out on our own what someone is like, how they act, and how they treat the friends they have and make. Let us make our own decisions on who we want to be around, or even who we ENJOY being around. It shouldn't be up to you to make that decision for us. Do you even realize that those things will soon reach that person, the feelings that will result are heart wrenching at times. I just don't get it. Now, like I said I have done this before but not to the extent I've seen it performed. Literally, people could be in the next room and they simply don't care what they say about them, as long as they're out of their line of sight. A little bit ago, someone was speaking of a person in my building and it was mentioned that a few of us thought that they were dating or would make a cute couple when each of us had first moved in. Instead of simply saying no, we've never dated, or I just don't like him like that. It turned into, "Ew, that would never happen. I have much better options open than something like that." In response I simply stated, "Well that's not very nice." Their reply, "No, you don't understand. We have a history. They're just gross and scary and need to get a hold of themselves and not be so creepy." Of course that response went on to say more things about this person that were awful. Everyone has their opinion about certain people, whether it be a good or bad one from which ever experiences you've had with said person. But I just don't get it anymore. What makes it okay for you to say things like that about a person? What is it that makes you think the things you say are somehow justified because, "you've had a history" with this person? Do you realize how much easier this thing called life would be if we all just would only mention the good we see in people or just keep our mouths shut? "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

You, by yourself.

There are things in our lives that no one else will ever seem to understand. That shouldn't bother you, life is just giving you a chance to figure things out by yourself.
1: It doesn't mean you go find another relationship to fill in the holes, it won't work. I don't get the world sometimes. How can someone so easily give up on one person and move on to a complete stranger? I've come to terms that searching for something won't get me anywhere. It'll be given to me when I actually need it.
2: Stop thinking you're going to get things handed to you. Everyone has had to work for what they really want in life. Why is it that our generation seems to think that no one has done work for the things they have?
3: Now I understand we are all placed in different families, which results in different lives. I know that I was lucky to be placed in the righteous yet easygoing family that I have. If I hadn't had the family I do, I would either be dead or locked up in my basement. haha But instead of complain at how much of a horrible life you have. Change it. Get off your ass, get a job, move out, meet new people, start new. Also, learn to have a better attitude about things. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.

Learn to grow, there is nothing wrong with dealing with things on your own. But also, know when it's time to let people in to help you.

2012 is looking good(:

Although Christmas was a very sad holiday on my end, as well as New Years... because I spent both working and almost every one of my roommates were gone. The new year didn't look so promising. It started out a little slow, with nothing but good yet bad memories to think of, nothing but broken promises and a broken heart. But suddenly things started to really look up for my life.
I work at both Chrysalis and Eaton Alliance. I work with disabled individuals and love everything about it. Yes, there are times that are difficult and very frustrating but I wouldn't trade my job for any waitress/cook/cashier/retail/etc job in the world. I also just received the Assistant Manager/Lead Staff job at Eaton Alliance! I'm super excited to have this the experience and hang out with the amazing people I get to be around everyday(:

Starting new..

In case anyone was wondering or didn't know... I moved to Orem, Utah. I currently live with my sister and three other roommates.
This was the best decision that I finally made for me. I am surrounded by people who understand me, people who care, people who help. These people are wonderful. At times I feel overwhelmed with all of the wonderfully righteous people I've been placed with. This decision has been so good for me. I've strengthened old relationships and made new ones. I've been able to spend time with people I truly enjoy being around, people who make the time spent worth while. I feel as if everything will soon fall into place as it should and when it should.
I love my job here in Orem(:
I love each and every one of my roommates as well as friends♥
I love being with all these pure and warm-hearted people.
I love this place!

Trust☼

Trust... This is very valuable to me, very sacred to me. If you want to "get to know me better" you better prove that I can trust you whole-heartedly. If you ruin something like that between a person I feel it only fair that you must earn it back to prove you want it. There is also NO way you could possibly find a place in my heart to stay without gaining such trust. But if that is the case, I must tell you: it will be a lot more work, a lot more effort, a lot more caring, a lot more conversation, a lot more sincerity, a lot more understanding, a lot more listening, a lot more common sense, just all around a lot more difficult. There is also this other problem... I tend to fall in love very easily. It also seems to happen before someone has gained my full trust. It is a fact when I say I follow my heart but I don't leave my mind far behind. I think a lot, I worry a lot, I care a lot, I wonder a lot, I want a lot, I need a lot, I wander a lot, I can't seem to get my mind to stop... This problem has come to drive me almost insane, bonkers, wacky, crazy, looney, etc. No one seems to understand me... for the past while I have felt let down or "betrayed" by a lot of people. I got sick of people and truly,honestly,whole-heartedly... I put my trust in two people. I didn't save much room for anyone else and now the problem is... those two people have proven themselves to be a let down and untrustworthy.
Which brings me to this: Why? Even after how much I need trust in a relationship do I miss those people that hurt me without even looking back?
I will tell you something that hurts the most beyond all belief for me...
Loss of a friend, Whether the friend has wronged me or we have simply gone our seperate ways, I can't handle it. It's something I've realized for a little while now but I don't know what it is with me... I CANNOT lose people that mean or have meant so much to me at any part of my life. “People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”
You see all those walls built up? I know that if that one person were to reach back out and say something... I would tear down my walls myself and the only way they'd have to earn back even half my trust is choose to walk right up to me and simply give me a hug and say, "Everything will work out fine. Everything will be okay."
I keep my head up for other people right now. I do it for me but not even a third as much as I do it for others. I know people want to believe i'm okay, they want to believe that i'm doing alright, that i'm happy. So I give them that... just so I won't let down yet another person...
Fact is... If you've heard me tell you what's REALLY wrong, if you've seen me cry, if you've seen me at my worst, if you've handled me at my most ridiculous... You know me more than a lot of people ever will.
...emotional rant over.
thank you.
i love you.
MyOwnBreed-Cara

It's just time to let go...

There are people who can walk away from you.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over and you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over.
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains…LET IT GO!!! If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…LET IT GO!!! If someone has angered you …LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge…LET IT GO!!! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO!!! If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better…LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…LET IT GO!!! If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves…LET IT GO!!! If you’re feeling depressed and stressed…LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying “take your hands off of it,” then you need to…LET IT GO!!!

Sincerely, I have standards.

I would like to educate a handful of men in this world that think they can say and do whatever they want and just get away with it every single time.
Okay, so maybe at times it had seemed you had simply "gotten away with it..." wrong. That girl just whispered to her friend directly after your "comment" that you're a creep.
Another thing... not EVERYONE in this world has given away their "V card" and are just ever so willing to give it up again. Asking for some "sexy pictures" could be considered sexual harassment. I am not your girlfriend, your significant other, your fiance, or your wife so take a hint and go find a girl who's willing to "put out" for you and will "give you what you need" because trust me I have much better things to do with a relationship then give you your sexual desires. I have class. I have potential for something bigger than you've ever even dreamed of being. Don't worry I'm sure my future husband will let you know what you missed out on later.
Angry rant over.
Thanks(:

Listen(read)

You need to realize what you say could have an effect on anyone.
A lot of people pretend to be strong and okay throughout highschool. Look beyond the doors of their home, inside their bedroom you could find a gun, a razorblade, a rope, drugs, or a knife. As of lately I've noticed how rude people in this world have become.
First to those of you who have wanted so badly to rid themselves from the world:
Remember those memories, whether it be with friends or family, the memories when you felt the happiest. If you fire that gun, tie that rope, run that knife, or take those drugs... you'll be ruining someone elses happiness. You mean something to someone, to many people in fact. Your pain will only worsen. You are supposed to contribute to the world and become a role model for people. What do you think happens to the kids you have or will have? Your kids won't have a father/mother and those others will never be born. You're meant for something and someone important. You can't give up on yourself because of what he/she said or did. You are not insignificat. Find yourself, be yourself, and find those that need help.
Second to those of you who simply love to hurt the ones that are "different:"
Learn some common courtesy. Think would I want someone to be saying this about me? Remember "The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." We were fed that rule all through kindergarden and above and yet no one seems to understand what it means. Whether people are short or tall, fat or skinny, pretty or ugly... You have no room to talk about what they look like. You will only become what you've insulted. NO ONE deserves to be insulted, there is ABSOLUTELY no person in this world that is ugly. Everyone was made to look different for a reason, just because they don't look like you doesn't mean they're "ugly."

perfection will never be.

I've come to realize that no matter what I do or what anyone else tries to do. No one will be perfect, BUT the world wants perfect from you. Whether it be the way you look, how you act, or who you are as a person in general.
The world has come up with this image in their IMAGINATION of what people should and should not look like. What your weight is, what your height is, the color of your hair, the length of your hair, how far apart your eyes are, how big your nose is, what you wear, what you don't wear, how much money you have or don't have, or what you decide to eat. Whether you have come to realize it or not, it's true. You will never be perfect, you will never have everyone's approval. The only way you can make something of yourself is if you have truly come to terms with YOURSELF and no one else. Don't cut your hair/grow it out, buy different clothes, or lose/gain weight for anyone but yourself.
You are here for a reason. You are alive, breathing, and doing something on this earth. It is your choice what that is and how to go about that. You were meant to help someone in their life and have someone help you in yours. Only you can answer the questions: "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "What will I do?" etc. Don't ask anyone else because it's all up to you. You need to make decisions for yourself and nobody else along the way. No it's not selfish, it's human and THE ONLY way you will find the honest and true answers.
People can inspire you, you can have heroes, and they will lead you to make your own decisions and help you have a higher understanding of greater things. But be YOUR OWN hero and you'll get even farther.
If you think you are good enough for this world than it's true. The only person who can make a correct assumption about you IS YOU. Believe in yourself and you can start your journey. You are who you are, embrace it for you. Don't change to please anyone, because if they truly care about you and need you in their life they will love you for who you are and what you want to become... they will support you every step of the way. That's what a real friend is. Stop your whining and get with it. Leave the ones behind who want to be left behind, they are meant to stay.

"Just be you and you'll already be doing what you want." -Cara Jolley

perfection is over rated.
You are good enough for this world, you just have to believe it.
♥Cara Jolley♥
☼ginger queen☼

that's all...

It's clearly been a while and the reason for that would be I decided I'm not good at this at all. I never know what to say, and reading about "my day" isn't that fun. haha I'm also talking to myself since I have no followers AT ALL. I guess this is just like a journal for me or somethin. I honestly kind of hate it, it's just showing me how much I really can't come up with anything creative to write about. I've written one poem in my life (it was written 3 weeks ago by the way) and it really isn't that good AT ALL.
I guess I should just state:
I miss people, a lot of people actually.
I have reeeally good friend and always have but there are of course those people I've lost contact with or I'm not as close with or maybe never got to know as much as I wanted to. There are also people I choose to "deal with" because I don't want ANY drama, they would be considered REALLY dramatic people that most people (unless also dramatic) would not want to associate with. So, do you want to know why I stick around for some people? It's because I can't lose friends. I believe it is THE WORST feeling in the world to lose a friend. NO MATTER what they've done to you or do to you, it still hurts to realize maybe you really aren't friends. As well as it's hard for me to trust people with how many times and the ways I've been hurt so when I lose someone I THOUGHT I could trust it sucks to have to realize the truth (you can no longer trust your "friend"). I recently had a "losing of a friend" that I'm not really sure about. Not sure how to help him or how I can tell him that I need to know I can be his friend. I feel he needs someone and I like to be there for him. :/ I've completely lost a friend previously in my life and it was THE WORST EXPERIENCE of my life so far... :/ Even though it's clear they don't want or deserve me in their life, it still hurts to know I can't even say Happy Birthday to them without getting an angry message back.
I recently (last night) hung out with an old friend. It was the best to see her, and realize we still are really good friends. As well as I know we can still be close and I can still trust her with a lot. ^_^
I would also like to state:
The fact of: Cara Jolley is a sucker for love. a good boyfriend, a true relationship. Now I've never been in love honestly buut I love finding something real to have. Someone to hold my hand, smile at, stare at, cuddle with, give big hugs to, talk to, joke with, kiss passionately, love unconditionally... etc. ^_^ I think I need something like that. (blah, blah, blah, blah...) Well I'm not really sure what else to say.
This has yet again been a pointless post besides helping me let my feelings out(:
thanks to anyone who actually reads this.
simply a ginger.
simple a bean.
♥ginger bean

a weekend of splendor

My day with Kaya and Kohlby was GREAT!! haha
we went out to eat at the marvelous 25Main in town, then went and explored at Target, that's always awesome. Then Kohlby had a prior engagement he had to be at. So Kaya and I went back to her place and just sat and watched stupid t.v. such as Jerseylicious and The Kardashians(: It's always more fun to watch it with a girl friend haha!! oh what a laugh. Then Kaya wanted some onion rings so we went to Denny's and I saw my best friend/sister Lindsay Squires :D i miss her. :(
Then we of course came back to my house and sat for a bit and Kaya had to go home. I already miss her. haha :P My Saturday consisted of hanging out with a friend Sienna. haha We rented The Bounty Hunter and The Crazies ^_^ oh gosh!! The Bounty Hunter was good, I liked it a lot. Then we had to bring down the laptop so that Sienna could distract herself while watching The Crazies. :P It worked, we didn't remember a lot of it. but started taking pictures on the Webcam and videoing some of our reactions to the movie ^_^ we were that bored. I actually ended up staying the night over there. We woke up and actually had some COOKIE DOUGH for breakfast (best breakfast ever) and just REwatching The Crazies, we learned a lot about the story. HAHA Not as scary as it seems. Then we went to my family dinner, went back to her house with Abby (my cousin) I did their hair and makeup and we went out to the park (park after dark) and I took some pictures of the both of them. oh here are just a few of them. :D



(sienna. short darker hair)
(abby. long, dirtyblondish hair)
I AM QUITE PROUD OF HOW A LOT OF THESE TURNED OUT. ^-^
but that's been my weekend. thanks for gazing. :D
simply a ginger.
simply a bean.
ginger bean
☼peace☼

...finally.

I was finally convinced to start a blog.
uhh, I'm not even sure how interesting this will be considering I don't have too much to write about. I guess I'll tell you a bit about myself to begin with.
My name is Cara Jolley. I just graduated from highschool 2010 ^-^ I went to Tuacahn High School for the performing arts and I must say tis THEE best school I could've gone to! (and if you may be someone debating whether to go or not, think no more, take a chance and get your butt over there) I am quite the character, the kind a lot of people can get along with most of the time. I'm just warning you I am really bizarre :P well whatever I'm done writing "about me" blehhh... hahha hope you enjoy ^_^